Post Birthday Blog

I have survived yet another year, and I am officially 27!!!!!!!! My birth DAY was great, with a trip to Sea World with Sarah and my mom. The two most important women in my life! It's kind of a cool thought... the woman who gave birth to me, the woman who will birth our children. Is that sexist or just a very prehistoric way of looking at things? Who knows. But I didn't think of it until just now so you know I didn't have time to think it up or ponder it for a while.

After Sea World was a nice quiet dinner at meme's... what a dinner! Then back home for my darling and I to drink a few beers, watch Rosanne, and hit the hay. I had to work today, but nevermind that -- now that the brutal wake up on a lazy Sunday morning is over, I get to enjoy two days off. Last Monday it rained, and it's supposed to do the same again tomorrow and Tuesday. Bad news is that the water is to be shut off for a plumbing repair (so I got all stocked up on water tonight); good news is that with the rain that's coming, and with the lazy day I have planned, I shall open up the windows and pull the mandolin by my side and make an afternoon of it.

Got to thinking about life through the song "My Next 30 Years" by Tim McGraw, I think. Nice little diddy -- "raise a little family and hang out with my wife." Nice lyrics. Although I'm not 30, I'm still entering that phase. I think of all the young men who died on September 11th, 2001... the 5 year anniversary is tomorrow. What about their families, their children, their puppies, their wives? The guys who were my age. I did get a little choked up tonight at all the 9-11 stories on TV... the CBS specials, the Katie Couric investigation about all the dust at ground zero. It's a lot to take in.

After these 5 years, people are still angry. Rightly so... but I think it's a bit much to be blaming the head of the Environmental Protection Agency for not warning people of the dangers at ground zero right after the attacks. I think it's because people ALWAYS need someone to blame. Heck, how should the EPA lady know what the future would bring? Shouldn't people know that breathing heavy smoke and building debris would be bad for people? I just can't stand people blaming others... YEARS LATER... for mistakes made right after Sept. 11. For anything for that matter. This was the most chaotic and terroristic event on American soil in history. I think the effects of that event are happening as they will, but lay off the blame and finger-pointing for a moment and let people digest what's still happening to survivors and rescuers. Let's let them be, rather than dig up the whole wound again. All you ever hear about 9-11 is the "will" of people. People have incredible resilliance and will power, so let's let that unfold. This has gotten so political -- the finger-pointing. I don't blame the "Jersey Girls", the three women who lost their husbands, who found each other and joined forces to face Congress, for making this highly political. I think in that case, finger pointing needs to happen because of a lack of Congressional support, and leveling, with the people. Did Bush know of this attack before hand? You see where I'm going with this. On one hand, we have the finger pointers who lay blame on those responding to the attacks, and how years later we have all this sickness related to it; on the other hand you have people like the Jersey Girls trying to figure out exactly what happened with our governmental process who may have known about the attacks.

My post birthday blog has taken a turn, so I shall turn back now. I still don't know what I think of the whole thing on September 11th. It's just a deep sadness. I'm thankful for another year, and I look forward with optimism. I'm still dumbfounded when it comes to knowing what I wanna do when I grow up. Every day when I go to work I still wonder if it's what I want to be doing. I think that the direction my job has become is the wrong one, but who can you convince of that in the newsroom? Certainly not the people who're making me do that job. Does this mean I need to quit? Possibly. That's a scary, scary thought. But also an exciting one. I'm not defined by my job.

I'm challenging myself to take my favorite year to really discover myself and what it is I want to do. The ride will be fun, scary, hopeful, upsetting, long, thoughtful, and probably hard. But that's what it takes. I know I'll be packing some of my favorite people (and puppies) to journey with me.

I can't wait.